And that's Okay

Last week I was given a challenge in a Facebook Community I am in called BARE Daily run by Susan Hyatt (for more information on this program go to www.shyatt.com/baredaily/).  The challenge was to do what’s called a “mind detox”.  What is a mind detox?, you ask.  A mind detox is a process of  thought catching, noticing what you are thinking about yourself throughout your day.  So, I did this challenge for an entire day and wrote down what I was thinking every hour or so.  One of the most repetitive thoughts I had was, “I don’t have enough time”, there were others too, but this one kept coming up. Even though I am a coach myself and I coach myself all the time, this thought has plagued me for a while and I’ve always thought that I just need to make time for it, that if it is that important to me, that I will make time for it. Well, what do you know; I never make time for it, because the more I think about it, the more it stresses me out and instead of acting, I do nothing, paralyzed by my thoughts.  Have you ever had this happen to you, where the more you think about something the more it stresses you out? I’ve spent a lot of time doing this lol!

I took my problem to the BARE group and a coach by the name of Dani Spies (https://cleananddelicious.com/) coached me on my thought of I don’t have enough time. She encouraged me to add at the end of my thought…And that is okay and to say it out loud.  I don’t have enough time right now and that is okay. Try saying it out loud and see what happens. I said it out loud and what I felt was a huge relief. I don’t have enough time and that is okay. What a big perspective change that happened on my part. I realized that I needed to be okay with that and not push myself so damn hard. She then challenged me to think about what I would do if I did have time and when. It took me a little bit to answer this question for myself, but I began to realize that I can fit some exercise and time for myself in tiny increments. Just in the past couple days, I have added in 10/15 minutes of exercise, business building, and time for myself.

As a mom, I think about not having enough time a lot and I’m sure many other moms do as well. We push and push ourselves to find time for everything. To find time to eat healthy, exercise, spend time with our children, spend time with our partners, spend time with ourselves and everything else as well. We need to learn to reframe this thought to say, I don’t have enough time for (insert thing you don’t have time for) and that is okay. We spread ourselves too thin sometimes and then we don’t take any action at all and we feel like we are failing as parents and humans.  Our society and culture place so many expectations on us and we think that if we don’t live up to them, we are somehow a failure as mom and that is so not true. Saying to ourselves, I don’t have enough time and that’s okay frees up the space in our mind to be more productive. In the past week, I have gone to bed earlier, spent 45 minutes doing yoga and not feeling bad about it, spent time doing this blog and other things too. What a difference this one phrase has made in my life in just one week.

If you want to talk more with me about this, you can visit the link here and schedule a 30-minute mini session.

Jumping off the High Dive

When I was a kid, I loved to swim, but to swim in the deep end I had to pass a swim test which included me to jump off the high dive, swim to the far end and back, and then tread water for 3 minutes or something like that. I was a good swimmer, but I was so deathly afraid of jumping off the high dive. Nothing my parents did or said helped. It ultimately came down to facing my fear to get what I wanted. I remember I would say to myself, today I am going to jump off the high dive and I would prance myself over to the board, climb up the ladder and walk out on the board only to chicken out and walk back the other way and climb down really bummed that I couldn’t do it. I don’t remember how many times I did this, but it was a lot! I remember seeing my sister and my friends in the deep end and I desperately wanted to be there too. So one day at the pool, I worked up the courage to go over to the diving board, again I walked out, but this time I didn’t chicken out. As nervous and scared as I was, I took a deep breath, and then took another to hold my breath in as I jumped into the water. As I floated back to the top of the water, I was so proud of myself (plus I didn’t plunge to my death!) I felt so free and after that I took the test and passed! I was so happy to swim in the deep end with my friends and family.  My parents couldn’t get me to stop after that, I went back to the board day after day and used the high dive to jump in the water.

Jumping off the high dive can also be a metaphor for our lives. How many times have you jumped off the high dive in your life? Or were you super cautious like me? As we get older, I think our willingness to take risks goes down.  Maybe part of it is, is that we feel like as we get older we have to be more responsible so we don’t take as many risks.  I know, I feel like that. But what about taking a risk to have a baby and you’re over 35 (the age where it’s more risky to have a child major eye roll from me over here lol!)  Or maybe you really want to adopt and you’re unsure. Those seem more reasonable. First, ask yourself, what is holding you back?

Because I have been a risk averse person almost my entire life, I can tell you that I know every excuse in the book about why I can’t do something.  It’s sad, but it’s true.  I have told myself I can’t do things because it’s not the right time. Um, when is the right time then? I have told myself I can’t do things because I’m too afraid of the result of my actions. I think to myself, what if someone doesn’t like it? Perhaps, I should be saying, what if people DO like it? Ok, one more example, because I am the Queen of excuses. I also tell myself that I can’t do things because it’s not what I “should” do.  Really, I am letting society/family/friends dictate my actions?

I am really good at these stories, aren’t I? In answer to the question, what is holding me back? In truth, I am holding me back because I let fear and other factors take hold of my thoughts. Next time you find yourself thinking of an excuse as to why you can’t do something, turn it around to the opposite and see what comes up.  It’s not the right time becomes It is the right time. What if someone doesn’t like it becomes what if someone does like it.  I shouldn’t do it becomes I should do it. After you get to that opposite thought, write a list of reasons as to how that could be true and keep it with you as your motivation.  Post in the comments your thoughts and turnarounds!