Life Coaching 101

Life Coaching is probably new to many of you and I realize that I have been writing on topics that may be of interest to you but you’re still not sure what all this life coaching is about. A good analogy is comparing a life coach to a personal trainer. You go to a personal trainer when you want to focus on getting stronger and really up your exercise game.  In using this analogy, you may sign up for a program with a life coach to up your life game. You want to achieve something that you don’t think you can for reasons you may know or may not know or maybe you are stuck and unsure how to resolve an issue in your life.

Let’s break it down a little more. The framework for coaching that I have been taught is this, your Circumstances create your thoughts, thoughts create your feelings, your feelings then create your actions, and your actions create your life result.  This comes from the work of Brooke Castillo, Master Life coach and founder of The Life Coach School.

Let me give you an example.

Circumstance – your child is having a tantrum

Thought – I’m a bad mom

Feeling – frustrated, annoyed, discouraged

Actions – maybe you eat, you may yell back at your kid

Life Result – the tantrum is somehow your fault or is a reflection on you as a parent confirming you are a bad mom

In this example, your child having a tantrum is the circumstance. A circumstance is a fact or condition connected with or relevant to an event or action. It could be proven that your toddler had a tantrum.  A thought is a statement that your brain comes up with in regards to the circumstance. A feeling or emotion is a sensation in our body associated with our thought. Our actions are the things we do or how we behave when we feel a certain way, it could also be inaction. Our life result is what results when you behave a certain way.  It should prove the thought you’re thinking.

In life coaching, we work with clients so they change their thoughts that are causing suffering so they can create a new life result.  We can choose to think any thought and thus change our feelings, actions and life result. So using the example above, let’s change the thought line and see what happens.

Circumstance – your child is having a tantrum

New Thought – I’m a mom and I can handle this

Feeling – empowered, compassionate towards your child

Actions – you ask your child what they need, maybe they need a hug or attention

Life Result – you feel connected with your child and you handle the situation

See how you change your thought and your actions/behavior changes. One thing to remember is that when you are trying out new thoughts you want to make sure it is something you can believe. Sometimes it can be difficult to go from I’m a terrible mom to I’m a great mom in one fail swoop. Try saying, I am a mom and I am doing the best I can and see how that resonates with you. Or maybe something else works for you.

Negative and toxic thoughts can often be exhausting and make you feel weak and powerless. Knowing that we can choose our thoughts can be a big game changer. When you think negative thoughts, notice how they feel in your body and ask yourself, does this thought serve me?

The next step in the process is clearing out the thought. You could reframe it like we did above, you could punch it out, you could talk back to it, or you could turn it around. Keep working on it until you feel lighter and have more energy around it. Try doing this process every time you start thinking something negative, it could be about anything!

My challenge for you this month is to start catching those thoughts and writing them down.  Set an alarm that goes off every hour and check in to see what you’re thinking and see if those thoughts are serving you. If they aren’t clear it out by using the techniques above.  Using these techniques can often lead to different and amazing results. They could help you repair a relationship with a friend or family member, it could help you get a new job, or it could help you lose weight.

Next time you have circumstance that is causing you stress and pain, plug it into the model above and let me know how it works for you. I would LOVE to hear about it!

P.S. Did you know that I offer a 30 minute mini coaching session? Visit my website to schedule a call! http://www.tashahazelton.com/work-with-me

Running on empty? Here's how to fill your pleasure tank.

 

Do you ever feel like your energy is drained after you give your time to everyone else but yourself? I hear you; I have a daughter, a dog, a spouse, a full-time job and a side hustle.  Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by it all, but I have learned that I need to fill my cup with pleasure first and then it spills over to everyone else in my life, my husband, my kid, and my friends and family. You can’t function on an empty cup.  It’s like driving on an empty gas tank, you aren’t going to get anywhere if you’re not filled up.

You may be thinking, what is this pleasure you speak of? I’m a mom and I don’t have time for any pleasure or self-care. Or maybe you’re thinking that pleasure is selfish. I’m here to tell you that it’s not! There is also scientific evidence that pleasure can help you lose weight. What the what, right? When you have more pleasure in your life, your cortisol levels (stress hormone) decrease and helps your digestion, which in turns helps you lose weight. You may have been told that you need more willpower when it comes to losing weight, which is not true. We really need more pleasure in our lives.

When I started the BARE process, I learned about this concept and was blown away. I had been taught that I needed discipline and strict calorie counting to lose weight. Heck, I’ve been on weight watchers twice and every time, I quit doing it, I always gained my weight back. Now I know why. My constant dieting was messing with my hormone levels and metabolism. My body was so out of whack.

Pleasure helps keep me sane and keeps my mind in check because dealing with a 3.5 sometimes is not what you consider fun. If you’re a mom to a little person, you know what I mean.  Now I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy being and playing with my daughter, because I do. She brings me a lot of joy, but there are times when she can also stress me out. Asking for a snack right before mealtime, not wanting to take the dog out for a walk, or she’s yelling at me for some reason.

Pleasure for me is a daily routine. I get up before she gets up and I’ll do some Pilates in my home or take a walk outside. After my daughter wakes up, I spend quality time with her, we’ll play/watch a show or do something fun. In the afternoon, she takes a nap (sometimes lol, even if she doesn’t sleep, she’s still playing by herself quietly for the most part). While she naps, I’ll usually start on dinner or do some chores around the house. While I am doing these things though, I will listen to a podcast, listen to music or be listening to a book. I MAKE my chores more pleasurable.  After naptime, we may play for a bit or take the dog for a walk. After she goes to bed for the night, I’ll either take a nice, long shower or take a bath and then put on some lotion.

Some of this may work for you and some it may not, everyone’s pleasure palate is different. Here a few other ideas to get you started.

  • Watching a sunrise or sunset

  • Petting your pet

  • Buying flowers for your home or office

  • Spritzing yourself with your favorite perfume

  • Wearing your favorite lipstick

  • Sitting outside on a sunny day

  • Watching a favorite show

  • Wearing a favorite outfit

My challenge for you this month is to look and see how you can add pleasure to your day. I encourage you to buy yourself a journal and write down some of your ideas. You could even break them up into categories, Free pleasure, $$$ pleasures, five-minute pleasures or one-hour pleasures.  Let your mind go and see what you come up with.

I would love to hear your ideas in the comments!

See you next month!

XOXO

P.S.  Did you know that I offer a free 30-minute mini - session?! Schedule a call here.

Eat Like a Toddler

Some call it attentive eating or mindful eating or as I like to call it, eating like a Toddler. Have you ever seen a toddler eat? Well, I have a 3 year old so I see this on a constant basis.  It would take this entire blog to actually lay out how my toddler eats because if I let it, it would cause me stress on so many levels lol! So I will sum it for you.  Basically, she takes a bite, then she sees a toy and we’re like remember the rule, no toys at the table. Then she takes a drink, then picks at her food a bit, takes another 2-3 bites, then starts playing with her food because hence no toys at the table, then takes a few more bites, then gets up and turns on Alexa and starts dancing, then she may return to the table for one more bite and then announces she’s finished. 

Now, I’m not suggesting you dance between eat bite of food, but that might be kinda fun! What I am suggesting is that we slow down and savor our food. Dr. Marc David is the author of a book called, “The Slow down Diet”.  In his book, he talks about how a lot of us hold our breath when we eat.  He recommends starting out with a few breaths before eating and then also making sure we are breathing while we eat. When we slow down, it can help with digestive issues, acid reflux/GERD, and resetting your metabolism/hormones. Yes, all of this plays a role in how our bodies process the food we eat.  I won’t go into all of the details here, but you can always google the scientific studies behind these concepts or get the Book!

Another part this equation is hunger levels. Again we can look at the toddlers around us to see that they only eat when they are hungry.  Have you ever noticed that a toddler will eat and then be like, I’m finished only after a few bites.  I know my daughter will turn down food if she’s not hungry and then when she does eat, she will eat until she is satisfied or comfortable.  Just in the past year, I’ve been teaching her these words, such as savor and satisfied and she’s starting to understand those concepts.  The breathing that I talked about earlier comes in handy when learning how to find your hunger levels.  Breathing during our meals helps us stop and notice if we are finished with our meal.  You may notice that you don’t eat as much or maybe that you eat when you’re not hungry. Susan Hyatt, Master Life Coach, uses a hunger scale and she recommends staying between  a  negative 2 (mildly hungry) and a positive 2 (satisfied, not overly full), when we are eating meals. When we let ourselves go over -2 in being hungry it increases the chances of not eating attentively and not breathing. When we go over a +2, it can lead to fullness and not feeling so great.

The third part of this equation is listening to your body and how it reacts to the foods we eat. What works for one person won’t work for another person because our bodies are different.  For instance, when I eat fast food pizza, my body does not like it. I feel uncomfortable, full of bloat and other things.  I do however, still eat pizza, I’ve noticed that the quality of my pizza makes a big difference. Pizza from Marcos is a hard no, but homemade pizza is a win for me.

There is so much more I could talk about in regards to food, how we eat and what we eat. I know there a lot of important debates going on about sugar, flour, partial hydrogenated oils and all of that. But for the purposes of this blog, I want to educate on the importance of slowing down and listening to your body, whether it is your lunch from McDonalds, eating a spaghetti dinner or enjoying a piece of apple pie. These concepts can be applied to all kinds of food.  For me personally, I enjoy many foods from tacos to ice cream to salmon.  I eat what my body craves and I don’t follow any type of “diet”.  A “diet” is a four letter word in my book. As a coach, I help others learn these concepts and apply them in their own life to find out what works for them.  There is no calorie counting and no food is off limits.

I also think it is so important to teach these concepts to young children. If you have ever met or hung out with a toddler, you would notice that they don’t have any food drama.  They eat when they are hungry and stop when they are satisfied and they eat the foods they like.  Why is it that as we get older this changes?  As we get older, our culture and family of origins teach us things about food that may or not be true.  Were you taught that you must eat everything on your plate and to not waste food? Were you taught that some foods are evil and must not be eaten? Were you taught that people need to be a certain size and if you gain weight you’re not attractive anymore?  Think about these questions and see if they are true for you.

The diet industry feeds on these things that our culture has ingrained in us.  Just look at all the headlines on women’s magazines about weight loss and our bodies.  “The best anti-aging foods to add to your diet”, “The Keto Diet Meal Plan for Beginners”, “Potatoes are healthy and can help you lose weight (really!).  It is really just a way to distract us from doing important things in our lives by focusing so much on how we look. I’ll leave that for another blog though.

My challenge for you this month is to slow down and start listening to your body. Let me know in the comments what you notice and what comes up for you. I would love to hear!

XOXO

P.S. Don’t forget about my FREE virtual BARE book Club, it starts Thursday, May 30th!! Go to my website for details and to sign up! www.tashahazelton.com/new-events

 

What is up with all this mom guilt?

Girl’s nights, girlfriend getaways, getting your hair done, going shopping, exercising, working outside the home. What do these things have in common? These are the things for me which create the most mom guilt. I schedule a girls night probably each month, I get my hair done once a month,  I go on girls weekend getaway maybe once or twice a year, exercise, nope can’t exercise because of all the other stuff I do.  Oh and I work outside the home, someone else watches my daughter. Let’s bring on all the guilt that I could have.  Yes, sometimes it comes up, but most of the time I manage it.

When we have kids, life changes. Some would say for the good, some would say for the worse lol!  When I had my daughter, I never knew how much guilt I would feel over leaving her.  In our society and culture, women are taught that our lives take a backseat to our children. Now you have kids, your life is over, no more having fun, no more vacations, no more girls nights. YOU MUST devote every single second to your child or you’re considered a bad parent. Even after all these years, the feminist movement and loads of opportunities for women, we still feel the need to be everything to everyone and that our needs don’t count.  It is no wonder that moms feel stressed out and feel guilty about everything.   I read so many blogs out there about moms having anxiety and it makes me sad and angry that our society is making us anxious and worrisome about everything.

After talking with many moms, the number one thing that makes moms feel guilty is not “living up to the societal expectations” placed upon us.  This is something that has to change.  If we try to live up to some ideal that someone came up with, yes moms are going to be stressed and believe they are doing something wrong and that is not helpful. In this blog, I want to teach you some ways to deal with feeling guilty.

The first thing is to notice the thoughts you are having that lead to feeling guilty.  This comes from the work of Byron Katie. Most of these thoughts will be some version of, “I’m not a good parent if I ___________”.  (Fill in the blank with your thought).  Really think about if that statement is true or not and then try to turn it around. Maybe it’s I am a good parent when I ______”.  And then think of some reasons why this could be true or truer than your original thought. Post them somewhere, on your fridge or bathroom mirror so you can see it every day.  Our brains have been conditioned to think the negative thoughts, so when we are trying to change it, it needs to hear the new thought repeatedly.

Another thing that I have learned is that I have my own truth and if I am true to myself, then those feelings of guilt aren’t as bad. Byron Katie has a great quote about this, “There are only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours and God’s”. This means that we need to stay in our own business and be true to ourselves and not worry about what others are doing.  I know as a mom, we like to compare our kids and lives, but it really does not help and we may be in someone else’s “business”. It just creates more guilt because we are trying to be something we aren’t.  Just because Johnny’s mom likes to throw fancy birthday parties it doesn’t mean she’s better than the rest of us. It just means that is what she likes to do or it’s possible she really doesn’t like it, and just does it because she thinks it is what is expected of her. Think about how you feel when you do something because you don’t genuinely want to do it.  You feel crappy and stressed, right?  When we place judgement on another person, we may actually want to do look at ourselves and see what is going on with us. If we are jealous of the mom that throws those fancy parties, it may be in part that we want to be more like her. It’s really not her problem, it’s our problem.

Another tip, which is a great follow up to that last one, is to ask the question “Does this feel like love?” This comes from the work of Master Life coach Brooke Castillo and also Master Life Coach Susan Hyatt. If you’re feeling guilty about something, it probably doesn’t feel like love. Asking this question, it opens up enormous opportunities to see the world a little clearer. Does love feel like working full time, part-time or not at all? Does love feel like throwing a huge birthday party? Next time you’re faced with a dilemma, ask yourself this question and see what comes up for you.

My last tip is to write down your priorities and values. If exercise is a top priority for you, put it in your calendar and go do it. You can take care of yourself and be a good parent. In fact, in my own opinion, when we take care of ourselves, we make better parents because we are more present with the people in our lives. I schedule everything, family time, me time, extended family time, husband time, exercise time, friend time etc.  It may seem like a lot, but it’s totally worth it. Creating those boundaries helps immensely with the feelings of guilt that sometimes come up.

XOXO

P.S.  I am offering a free BARE (By Susan Hyatt) Virtual Book Club this summer.  Classes start May 30th. Go to my website, www.tashahazelton.com/new-events to get yourself registered! I’ve got lots of stuff lined up and I’m super excited to share Susan’s message with you!

 

4 things we can all learn from toddlers

Living with a 3 year old is like living with your very own life coach. 3 and 4 year olds teach us so much, yet most of us think 3 year olds are not the most rational human beings.  It is true; I learned in Child development that 3 and 4 year olds are very egocentric because their brains are not fully developed. Their worldview is very small at this age.  But there is something to be said about how 3 and 4 year olds act and what we can learn from them.

I have a list of 4 things that we can all learn from toddlers.

#1 – the word “NO”

When our children learn this word, a lot of parents roll their eyes when their little children start talking back. BUT, is the word No really a bad thing?? As adults, we say yes to a lot of things that we don’t want to do. What is so wrong with saying no to someone? I know for me, I thought when people told me no, I thought that they didn’t like me or they didn’t want to hang out with me.  See what our minds make this little word mean? Why can’t a no just be a no? I tell my daughter no, she tells me no and that’s ok. I still love my daughter even though she tells me no sometimes. Sometimes she doesn’t want to give me a hug, does that mean she doesn’t love me? No, it just means that she doesn’t want to give me a hug lol! I think it’s so important for our children to hear and say the word No. No is a boundary. No means no, I don’t want to do that.  It’s a good skill to have and something we need to think about as adults, as we are the role models for our children. When we are able to say No and hear No, it teaches us that it isn’t a “bad” word.

#2 – Asking

I don’t know about your toddler but my toddler asks for what she wants all the time.  The other day we were at bob evans and she saw my fruit and wanted some. I was going to wait until I saw our server again and ask, but lo and behold my daughter stands up and sees the server and asks for some fruit. Of course, she gladly obliged with my daughter’s request and even asked her what kind of fruit she wanted lol! What would happen if we asked for what we wanted all the time? Obviously, we would hear the word no every now and then (see above), but we would also hear the word yes. As a parent, when I say yes to my daughter, she gets so delighted and filled with excitement. Another phrase I use as a parent, is no, not right now. That means it could turn into a yes later. So next time you want something just ask! Ask for that raise, ask for the extra mustard for your hot dog, or ask for help.  The worse thing that could happen is someone says no, or you can happily be delighted when you hear a yes.

#3 – Me, me, me

Toddlers are all about themselves.  My daughter constantly tells me, I need a snack, I want to watch a show, I want, I want, I want lol! To us adults we think this type of behavior is not favorable.  There is a reason our toddlers are so egocentric, it is their little brain. They don’t know how to think about others just yet. When we think about being selfish, it is often a negative thought.  Like being selfish is the worst thing you can do as a mom. Especially as moms, our cultural ideals often shame moms for taking time for ourselves. Self-care is so important for everyone. There is a great quote by Eleanor Brownn, “Self-Care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel”. This is so true; we need to fill ourselves up, before we give to others.  When we give, give and give without any fuel, the tank explodes and needs repaired. Think like a toddler and ask yourself, what do I need right now? What would feel like love right now?

#4 – Love

The last thing is love.  One thing I love about toddlers is that their mindset is all or nothing. One minute she loves me and one minute she doesn’t like me (see above to #2, she doesn’t always get what she wants lol). The way toddlers love is so sweet to me. Out of nowhere, I sometimes get a big hug and a “you’re the best mommy” and totally makes my heart melt.  Granted she usually follows up with something like, “Can I have some chocolate?”  But anyway, I see the way she loves when she plays with her toys, interacts with our dog and also interacts with other people. She doesn’t have any preconceived notions or judgements of other people or animals. It was so cute, just the other day, I showed her a picture of a random dog and she immediately kissed my phone. As adults, we sometimes get caught up in the day to day that we forget to hug or kiss our loved ones and tell people why we love them. 

Since becoming a mom, my daughter has taught me so much and I am learning more from her every day.  In the world we live in today, we see so many meme’s about stressed out moms, target and wine and my challenge for you today is to try to find the joy in your child and put a little of that in your own life, whether it is creating a boundary, asking for something, making time for yourself, or telling someone you love them. I would love to hear these in the comments or if something came that you want to talk about, feel free to contact me to set up a mini session, just go to my website at www.tashahazelton.com to sign up.

XOXO!

Everyone is talking about decluttering!

So have you been watching the new Marie Kondo show on Netflix? I watched the first episode and can’t wait to watch more!  I have actually been using her method for a little over a year now and I can tell you that it totally works. I also read the book not too long ago, soooo good!  I revamped my closet and I can tell you that 90% of the clothes in their spark joy and I wear them often.  It is actually very freeing, because I no longer search for what to wear.  Since I love almost every piece of clothing, all I have to think about is when I wore it last lol!

In my Martha Beck Wayfinder Coach training, we learned a coaching tool, called the The Living Space. It is where you mentally go through your house and see which areas you like and which ones you don’t.  In the space that you don’t particularly like, she asks us to describe that space in detail, like what is in the room, what it looks like, if anything needs repaired and how it makes you feel.  Can you think of a spot like this in your house? This space could be your closet, the garage or basement or any other room in the house.  Really think about this space and jot down the answers to the questions I just presented.

One of my favorite quotes by Martha Beck is “Your surroundings are an expression of your inner state. You can’t change your life without changing your stuff and you can’t change your stuff without changing your life”.  I love this quote because it really is true. Once I purged the clothes that no longer fit me, whether they were too big or too small or clothes that I just didn’t like anymore, it created space in my mind for me to love my body the way it is and also release negative thoughts about my body. I realized that those clothes and thoughts no longer served me, especially after doing the process multiple times. When I added back in items that I loved, it made me feel like a new person and I was open to new and positive thoughts about my body.

Now, think about the room you thought about earlier, can you find how the items in that room or closet reflect your inner life? Is there a fear coming up or maybe a negative thought? Think about what those items mean in your life. Do you need to purge or repair something?  Also, think about what items you would add to the room that make you feel good and create positive thoughts.

I love this concept so much and think that our spaces really do reflect what is going on in our mind. Start with something small, you don’t have to do your entire closet or room all at once.  One little thing can do wonders. Maybe start with your underwear drawer or your kitchen table, depending on the room you picked. Do those items “spark joy” and if not throw them away or donate! See how it feels in your mind once you get rid of something as well as adding to those areas.

I would so love to hear how this exercise worked for you! Please put in the comments what you learned. Or if something came that you want to talk about, feel free to contact me to set up a mini session, just go to my website at www.tashahazelton.com to sign up.  Xoxo!

Word for 2019

I was recently challenged to choose my word for 2019. It took a little bit of time to see what resonated with me. I came up with Vibrant, Freedom, peaceful and Brave. This past year, my word was Action. I chose that word because I wanted to take action in my life coaching business.  And I did take some action in my business, I started blogging again and I took some steps to make it official, but I lost my grandma over the summer and I let things go and never did finish my application for my LLC. I kind of lost myself in a Netflix binge of Gilmore Girls, which I currently only have one episode left of the “Year in the life” mini-series lol! I know now that I was calling this self-care but I was really just avoiding my shit. Anyhow, I hit the snooze bar on my year of taking action. I did, however, take action to do things I wanted to do this past year and in my own personal development.  I went to Savannah, Georgia where I attended a day of BARE with the famous Susan Hyatt and I got to meet her for the first time and then I got to see her again in Chicago, this past October.  This past year has had high points and low points. Even though, I stalled out a bit, I am proud of myself for all that I have accomplished this past year. Taking inventory your victories each year is so important. I did this last year and it really made me see that I did a lot in one year. We all have setbacks, they are bound to happen, but it is our mindset and attitude that matters the most. So with that in mind here are my top three accomplishments from 2018:

1.       Being able to attend 2 Susan Hyatt events (Savannah and Chicago)! They were both OFF THE HOOK events and I am so glad that I was able to go! As Susan would say, “Be the person with the stories, not the regrets!”

2.       Finishing the year strong! I got back into blogging (as you can see here!). I love to write and share my thoughts!

3.       My health. This past year I’ve been going to a new Chiropractor who has been amazing. If you need a new Chiropractor, I highly recommend Dr. Kemmett at Loveland Chiropractic Offices, Inc.  I don’t know if many of you know, but I have slight scoliosis and sometimes my hip hurts and gets out of whack. Going to the chiropractor made me realize how my health needs to be a priority. As a mom to a toddler, you need lots of energy and getting movement and exercise is now a top priority for me.  

I am proud of myself for all that I did, even among a year of loss for our family. This past year, we lost three great aunts (all in their 90’s), my grandmother (she was 99!), my uncle and also the family cat, Princess.  They all live on in memories and I’ll cherish them forever.

So, I realize that I haven’t revealed my word for the year yet. As I look to the New Year, my word for 2019 is BRAVE! I want to be BRAVE and not let my thinking and mindset hold me back. I want to take more risks and live a life that I love. I may be scared, but I can be BRAVE and take the leap to see what is in store for me and my family next year.  I am planning to finish that LLC application and make this coaching business official!

What is YOUR word of the year for 2019? I would love to hear your word and the reason behind it in the comments.  See you all next year!

P.S.  I am holding a vision board party on February 2nd, 2019 at Kidd Coffee and Wine Bar from 4-7pm! There are two spots left!  Email me and one of those spots could be yours! Also, feel free to browse my website for more information about me.

This is Tasha

I want to share with you who I am, what gets me up in the morning, my favorite things and my why, why I want to share all of this with you.  First of all, my name is Tasha Hazelton. I am a wife to Norman, we’ve been together 17 years, and we met in 2001 at Miami University. One of my sorority sisters set us up because I was pining for a guy who lived in DC and she knew and I knew that that relationship was never going to work out lol! Norm and I have been together ever since that first blind date. We’ve been married eight years and we have an awesome 3 year old, Addie and our beloved Beagle, Daisy.  Like any marriage, we have had our challenges over the years.  In 2013, we experienced an unexpected pregnancy which ended up as a miscarriage. It was one of the hardest things that I have gone through. I still think about that baby, but I know now that that experience led me to having Addie, our rainbow baby in 2015. I am what you would call an “older mom”. I’m 38 years old; I had Addie when I was 35. Being older and having a baby can be challenging, but it doesn’t escape the fact that anytime a child is born it changes everything.

On a professional level, I am currently an Executive Assistant for a mid-size company in Cincinnati, Ohio. I have been with the company for over ten years and worked my way up from Administrative Assistant to Senior Assistant to Executive Assistant.  I work and have worked with some of the most amazing people at my job. I am also a graduate of the Martha Beck Life Coach School, where I learned so much about myself and have learned coaching tools that have helped me clear out the junk in my mind. I graduated from the school the same year my daughter was born, in 2015. In November 2017, I joined Susan Hyatt’s BARE Daily and that has led me down a path of self-love for my body and soul.  This journey has led me to a peace I’ve never known before.  I am less stressed, more calm and just in general more satisfied with my life and where it’s going. That’s not to say I don’t have stress in my life, I do, I just know how to manage my thoughts better and able to get out of those funks quicker than I used to.

On a lighter note, here are few fun things about me. I love Tea, especially Fortnum and Mason. Thank you, Susan Hyatt for bringing me over to the tea world. Sitting down in my hygee corner with a warm cup of tea is the best. You can also find me reading the next up and coming domestic thriller lol! Think The Girl on the Train or The Couple Next Door. There is something about the drama and excitement of a good book. Before I had Addie and sometimes now, you can find me up at all hours of the night trying to finish a book! In my hygee corner with my tea and book is also dark chocolate. Put those three things together and I’m a happy girl!

Now, my why. You might be wondering, why am I sharing all of this with you?  It’s because I want to help women and young girls feel like anything is possible.   I want them to stop worrying about how much they weigh and start living life their life NOW. I want to empower women and young girls to love their bodies, stop dieting and live the life of their dreams. After being in Susan’s program, I realized that this is my passion . Growing up, I was shy and never wanted the center of attention, I always thought that this was how it was and I couldn’t do anything about it. Boy, was I wrong? This work isn’t just about losing weight, it is about learning to love yourself. I do this work for my daughter, my younger self and all the other women out there who want to feel they matter. Please join me in this journey to self-love and more pleasure!

For more information about me and my programs, please visit my website at www.tashahazelton.com. You can schedule a FREE mini session with me on the work with me page! Make it a great day!

And that's Okay

Last week I was given a challenge in a Facebook Community I am in called BARE Daily run by Susan Hyatt (for more information on this program go to www.shyatt.com/baredaily/).  The challenge was to do what’s called a “mind detox”.  What is a mind detox?, you ask.  A mind detox is a process of  thought catching, noticing what you are thinking about yourself throughout your day.  So, I did this challenge for an entire day and wrote down what I was thinking every hour or so.  One of the most repetitive thoughts I had was, “I don’t have enough time”, there were others too, but this one kept coming up. Even though I am a coach myself and I coach myself all the time, this thought has plagued me for a while and I’ve always thought that I just need to make time for it, that if it is that important to me, that I will make time for it. Well, what do you know; I never make time for it, because the more I think about it, the more it stresses me out and instead of acting, I do nothing, paralyzed by my thoughts.  Have you ever had this happen to you, where the more you think about something the more it stresses you out? I’ve spent a lot of time doing this lol!

I took my problem to the BARE group and a coach by the name of Dani Spies (https://cleananddelicious.com/) coached me on my thought of I don’t have enough time. She encouraged me to add at the end of my thought…And that is okay and to say it out loud.  I don’t have enough time right now and that is okay. Try saying it out loud and see what happens. I said it out loud and what I felt was a huge relief. I don’t have enough time and that is okay. What a big perspective change that happened on my part. I realized that I needed to be okay with that and not push myself so damn hard. She then challenged me to think about what I would do if I did have time and when. It took me a little bit to answer this question for myself, but I began to realize that I can fit some exercise and time for myself in tiny increments. Just in the past couple days, I have added in 10/15 minutes of exercise, business building, and time for myself.

As a mom, I think about not having enough time a lot and I’m sure many other moms do as well. We push and push ourselves to find time for everything. To find time to eat healthy, exercise, spend time with our children, spend time with our partners, spend time with ourselves and everything else as well. We need to learn to reframe this thought to say, I don’t have enough time for (insert thing you don’t have time for) and that is okay. We spread ourselves too thin sometimes and then we don’t take any action at all and we feel like we are failing as parents and humans.  Our society and culture place so many expectations on us and we think that if we don’t live up to them, we are somehow a failure as mom and that is so not true. Saying to ourselves, I don’t have enough time and that’s okay frees up the space in our mind to be more productive. In the past week, I have gone to bed earlier, spent 45 minutes doing yoga and not feeling bad about it, spent time doing this blog and other things too. What a difference this one phrase has made in my life in just one week.

If you want to talk more with me about this, you can visit the link here and schedule a 30-minute mini session.

Jumping off the High Dive

When I was a kid, I loved to swim, but to swim in the deep end I had to pass a swim test which included me to jump off the high dive, swim to the far end and back, and then tread water for 3 minutes or something like that. I was a good swimmer, but I was so deathly afraid of jumping off the high dive. Nothing my parents did or said helped. It ultimately came down to facing my fear to get what I wanted. I remember I would say to myself, today I am going to jump off the high dive and I would prance myself over to the board, climb up the ladder and walk out on the board only to chicken out and walk back the other way and climb down really bummed that I couldn’t do it. I don’t remember how many times I did this, but it was a lot! I remember seeing my sister and my friends in the deep end and I desperately wanted to be there too. So one day at the pool, I worked up the courage to go over to the diving board, again I walked out, but this time I didn’t chicken out. As nervous and scared as I was, I took a deep breath, and then took another to hold my breath in as I jumped into the water. As I floated back to the top of the water, I was so proud of myself (plus I didn’t plunge to my death!) I felt so free and after that I took the test and passed! I was so happy to swim in the deep end with my friends and family.  My parents couldn’t get me to stop after that, I went back to the board day after day and used the high dive to jump in the water.

Jumping off the high dive can also be a metaphor for our lives. How many times have you jumped off the high dive in your life? Or were you super cautious like me? As we get older, I think our willingness to take risks goes down.  Maybe part of it is, is that we feel like as we get older we have to be more responsible so we don’t take as many risks.  I know, I feel like that. But what about taking a risk to have a baby and you’re over 35 (the age where it’s more risky to have a child major eye roll from me over here lol!)  Or maybe you really want to adopt and you’re unsure. Those seem more reasonable. First, ask yourself, what is holding you back?

Because I have been a risk averse person almost my entire life, I can tell you that I know every excuse in the book about why I can’t do something.  It’s sad, but it’s true.  I have told myself I can’t do things because it’s not the right time. Um, when is the right time then? I have told myself I can’t do things because I’m too afraid of the result of my actions. I think to myself, what if someone doesn’t like it? Perhaps, I should be saying, what if people DO like it? Ok, one more example, because I am the Queen of excuses. I also tell myself that I can’t do things because it’s not what I “should” do.  Really, I am letting society/family/friends dictate my actions?

I am really good at these stories, aren’t I? In answer to the question, what is holding me back? In truth, I am holding me back because I let fear and other factors take hold of my thoughts. Next time you find yourself thinking of an excuse as to why you can’t do something, turn it around to the opposite and see what comes up.  It’s not the right time becomes It is the right time. What if someone doesn’t like it becomes what if someone does like it.  I shouldn’t do it becomes I should do it. After you get to that opposite thought, write a list of reasons as to how that could be true and keep it with you as your motivation.  Post in the comments your thoughts and turnarounds!